Third Generation Mac N Cheese

In 1954 she proudly walked off stage with a PhD

Under the guise of equality

Another victim of Gibson Girl ideology

For her daughter she was forced to neglect

There was no sympathy

Yet she too chose to play rather than to dissect

The Parts

So she became a mommy And a daddy

In 2004 she showed me her PhD

Which I viewed from a place of childless disability

Ersatz Cheap Glue

Broken like I used to be

Antics bring out a narcissism new to me

React or Run

Hanuman thinks this is fun

Eyes wide open with toothpicks

Every dig bites like a tick

Sympathy for the pawns of the devil

Knowing the pain in which they revel

Only death lifted my veil

Any move can only fail

I don’t want anyone to die

Rather just cry

The mountain of grief they refuse to feel

I cannot heal

We Are One/Are We?

The first discovery that narcissistic tendencies often lead to abuse may lead to a glimpse of freedom;

Or may enable self righteousness, becoming part of the distortion.

But upon further inquiry,

It seems that some souls are beyond repair

That they were never shown real love

Glimpses into painful pasts become hard to bear

Mothers and Fathers long gone will never be there

Lifetimes of insecurity as authority

Children within ever aging wrinkled bodies

Everywhere.

Freedom feels less free

The burdens of a failed society are alienating

Willingness to help?

Maintaining boundaries is taxing

Empathy is pain

Turning one’s back seems a symptom of grandiosity

And it could bring about the guilt

A mother might feel abandoning her children permanently.

The Journey Begins

Hurt People Hurt People: Healing Can Be Treacherous

It can be so easy to over empathize and to over accept knowing why people hurt. It is easy to fall back into the cycle to become, yet again, a hurt person who hurts people.

It can be easy to overestimate the breadth of healing having only been surrounded by hurt people who hurt people.

It can be easy to overestimate steadfastness in logic and ability to not react.

It can be easy to think you can help people who are hurting desperately as you once did. It is easy to forget that reaction is attention and that some will stop at nothing for MORE.

It is not easy to walk through this life alone.

It is not easy to determine who is beyond their pain and who will not hurt you.

And, even when good people arrive, it can be hard to know how to interact, having little experience with healthy interaction. Being healed does not make envy and frustration inevitable.

It may seem easier to go back to old social circles and to old ways of interacting. There, avoidance of pain will destroy your integrity, sense of self, mind, or all three.

Starting over is harder than anyone will ever tell you.

It is like having no skin at all. Raw flesh attracts predators creating mirrors of delusion leaving one with an ersatz coat of a predator or a tattered jacket of charred flesh.

Isolation and self mirroring leave holes that may not be readily visible. The leaks must be sought out and patched. This grafted skin must have time to heal. So often, it does not.

Falling back into over empathizing and over accepting, even with the pretext of love, can actually help hurt people hurt themselves. It prevents them from seeking and patching their own holes.

But even just a glimpse of life on the other side is astounding, revealing a great richness of life through nature’s beauty and positive human interaction.

 

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton

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